jeeze

I cannot believe some of the things i think. Really. Most of the time I don't even bother listening to the thoughts in my head. What's the point anyways? Sometimes i think that there is two people inside of me. One is the rational Cassandra and the other is the crazy Cassie. It would be simpler if the crazy Cassie would vanish. It's like lately that my mind has completely fogged over. I am irrefutably insane. Wow that's a million dollar word right there. I am in a joyous mood. it seems unsystematic much like the pouring rain. My kind of weather. There's something about rain that always gets me. Somehow it seems like in my mind it is pouring rain. Its just that the rain in my mind doesn't wash away the bad things to reveal the good much like real rain does. It reminds me of a lot of the places I've been and horrible things I've seen and been apart of. I wish that the rain would wash those thoughts away. i wish my life had something eventful going on. Instead i spend my days drawing Disney cartoons and trying not to cut. Wow that sounds actually pitiful if you by chance get a second to ponder it. I could,would, and have sat and wished for days. I wish for so many things its ridiculous. But i suppose its easier to live in a fantasy world; it cushions the blow of reality. The thing i wish for the most is a baby. I've said it before but i want her more than anything i have ever wanted before. I constantly wish for her. I suppose it's just one of the more impossible things i wish for. Somebody asked me today if i have any regrets. I didn't know how to answer that really. If i had the chance to start over and do it all again, i don't think i would because then i wouldn't be where i am now. I don't know if thats a good thing...all i know is that its something.