Looking back

It's absolutly insane to look back on this blog even though the writings took place just a few short months ago. I feel as though somehow I've changed completly from the writings before. In reality it has only been about three month but ever since the hospitalization at westwood it's like I've had a revelation of some sort. I haven't cut in a long while but I have slipped back into bulimia and anorexica. I feel so happy almost all the time. I am just wishing for some sort of miriacle to make me skinny. I went into the hospital may 27th after cutting. From there I didn't eat for three days. Then I started purging. And restricting. And falling in love with people I shouldn't have. I got out on the 19th of June spending almost a month there. I asked for my stay to be extended twice. I was in love. How pathetic is that. In those three weeks I went from being (please don't judge my weight it's not my fault I was on alot of psych meds which make you gain excessive weight) 246 to 225. That is really quick to loose weight. I'm a little discouraged with my sisters ana and mia right now for I haven't lost weight in a couple of days but I know if I stick with them they will make me beautiful. Monday I am going on a 30-40 day water fast. You loose 1-2 lbs a day. Imagine in that time I'll be either 195 or 165. I will be so much happier. I just need to be 140 to be healthy and 110 to bs anorexic. If I was 165 by this time next month I would be sooooooo happy you don't even know. Just by drinking water. Who would have thought? I promise to write more. It will keep me from eating so it's going to be worth it. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Weight loss like Kate moss.